How Voldemort Got His Name

The signature of a poster on the alt.fan.harry-potter newsgroup ("I'm odd mortal lover (an anagram rejected by Tom Riddle)"), inspired me to look up what other anagrams Riddle might have rejected and this came to mind. This piece of silliness was brought to you thanks to the Wordsmith.org Anagram Server at http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/

Somewhere in Scotland, 1942. Muggle Britain is holding out bravely against the conquering German army, preserving its legendary stiff upper lip in the face of constant bombing, rationing and endless renditions of "We'll Meet Again". But the boys sleeping in the Slytherin dormitory at Hogwarts have far more pressing concerns. A Transfiguration exam looms ominously in their future, and their nightmares are filled with visions of that twinkly-eyed Gryffindor-loving bastard Dumbledore.

Only one boy is still awake, too brilliant to bother studying for a mere exam. Tom Riddle is under the covers with his diary and quill.

Deep in thought, he plays with his wand ('cos that's what boys always do under the covers) and mutters to himself (which is more of an evil overlord thing).

"Riddle. I'm the bloody Heir of Slytherin. Some day I shall be master of the universe. How did I get lumbered with a bloody name like 'Riddle'?" he whines, taking pleasure in saying 'bloody' because that was a very naughty word in the 1940s. "Why couldn't I have a bloody spiffy name like Adolf Hitler?"

He stares at the blank diary by the light of his wand, his eyes falling on the T. M. Riddle he has written on the front page. Because he's a very, very clever wizard, he gets an idea. He touches his wand to the words. They expand into his full name, "Tom Marvolo Riddle" (not Thomas, because wizards evidently skip the full name and just call their kids the nickname, like "Harry").

"Anagramius!" he exclaims (or something similarly wizardy-sounding).

The letters rearrange into new words. Riddle shakes his head.

"'I AM TODDLER MOLROV'? Not exactly going to shake fear into the hearts of wizards everywhere."

*zap*

"'I'M A DROLL DOT MOVER'? This spell is making fun of me!"

*zap* 'I REVOLT MAD OLD ROM'
*zap* 'LAID MOLD-MOVER ROT' ("*laid*? In my dreams!")
*zap* 'MILD LEOTARD VROOM'
*zap* 'I LOVE MAD LORD TOM R'
*zap*

"'I AM LORD DOLT-MOVER'. Judging by how thick my current followers are, that's not too untrue," mutters Riddle, thinking of the Crabbe and Goyle of his generation. "It's not quite the catchy name I need, but Lord something doesn't sound too bad."

*zap*

Finally. 'I AM LORD VOLDEMORT' appears on the page and Riddle smiles wickedly. Then the smile waivers a little and he makes a note on his diary.

"1. Forbid my followers from performing anagram spells on my name."